this must be the place

The weird thing about forcing yourself (to actually be somewhat disciplined) to write (almost) everyday is that if you take a break from it, you instantly feel reluctant to dive back in, in fact you get pretty consumed by laziness all around. And by you I mean me, of course. :)

Actually, that's not even the weirdest thing. The weirdest thing is how out of control it makes me feel pressing forward without stopping to really edit anything, although I've noticed a general decline in control in my stories for several years now. Starting with the very short, tightly written stories I used to do to the giant, rambling epics I seem to write now, things have gotten a lot looser, and I'm not sure I'm entirely a fan of that. On one hand the characters are important, on the other, they shouldn't be telling me what to do all the time.

(Though perhaps my writing hasn't really changed all that much, but my life has, and the sense of being out of control is just a reflection of that stress. And blah blah, control is an illusion blah blah. In real life it is. In a story I don't know that it should be. But then I've often had the sense in general that my fiction is just...weird...all the way around. Not especially good or bad...just...different. I've had more than one remark that my style--whatever it may be--takes some getting used to. So...where was I going with that? Rambling again...)

But speaking of writing, the urge to keep going is, at the same time, very strong. I want this bitch out of my head and I want it out now, and my pace, faster than usual yes, is still somehow too slow. And at the same time there's this vague sense that I'm writing, if not crap, then not my best, because of how fast I'm going. But if I stop for too long, I'm not going to want to keep going, for I am chubby, lazy monster when I want to be.

And, why yes, this was supposed to fun for me. A fun little project, and in a way, it is. For I was raised Catholic and apparently thrive on anguish. :P In fact, I'm sure a lot of writers fret and flail this much. (Except of course, that they are writing like...art) The fretting and flailing is probably part of the process I just wish I was a little farther along in the process.

(Or should I mention that I have a milestone b-day approaching and am having a general "my life sucks" "I've accomplished nothing" etc etc freak out and that perhaps getting this bitch out of me is connected to that, even though it's hardly the Great American Novel? But honestly, have you ever had people and their histories--and futures--in your head for a long period of time? It's maddening. Something happens and all you can think is, "I wonder what Charlie or Rene would say if he saw that?" grrrr)

So um...spend a whole day reading through Vanity Fair and then have a Cabaret day? Or just mess around on Youtube and at least do notes for another scene?








cross posted from dreamwidth

Dear reading world,

I get that I am only a struggling and learning writer. I get that I have a serious issue with babbling and someday I will meet my perfect editing match and it will be heavenly. I get that dubcon/gaysecks/secks in general is not for everyone, and that a lot of people read things for different reasons. I get that people have very individual tastes and squicks and attention spans.

I have also taken a lot of crap in my life, and have had to sit through oh so fun writing class critique sessions many times, which suck, but I can take it and learn from them.

So understand that when you take the time to write a review of something I've done, I'm going to assume that you have put some time into the reasons you liked/disliked it, in the same way that I have put time in writing the thing (free online amateur crap though it may be). I mean, obviously it provoked enough of a reaction for you to post about it, so *something* went on there, in our writer/reader relationship even if it was unpleasant for you.

Therefore, saying that it just didn't gel for you and then giving a little imaginary internet shrug...what the fuck am I supposed to take from that? That there were general writing issues you had with it? That there were personal issues you had with it and it had nothing to do with the writing? Or that you are an idiot who wastes your time writing nonspecific reviews about stories you found boring? (Or did you find it boring, see, I can't really tell).

Concrit exists for a reason and it goes like this, "I liked this, here's why. I didn't like this, here's why. And then is followed by an analysis of those dislikes based on personal or artistic differences." And it is cool beans either way. If your review is not constructive criticism, and is just negative, it still really ought to be *based* on *something*. Guess what? I can learn even from someone dumping on my writing with no interest in trying to make me better. Take that, oh lazy reccers of the world. I can learn to improve my editing/scene setting/descriptive/punctuation/porn/whatever the hell skills. I can learn what different audiences are interested in. I can even learn which reviewers to listen to, and which ones to just fucking ignore (Like you. Sorry, your review just didn't work for me, I don't really feel like thinking about why).

So, please, since I made the effort, maybe you ought to as well, just a little, instead of being a douchebag. Because, seriously, I'm wondering, if you don't give a crap, then why did you bother?

Thanks so very much,

Rispa

:P

(Okay, so it's hot and I'm a little cranky)

I'm sorry but the idea (suggested by a few, most notably one former 6A staffer) that the whole #amazonfail is really all the very clever work of some fundie right-wing trolls tagging books on Amazon and then sitting back like the chess master working for SMERSH in From Russia With Love and watch the following shitstorm somehow make already-marginalized communities seem crazy is just absolutely ludicrous.

First of all, overly-elaborate conspiracies are always ridiculous. Human nature if nothing else almost always brings down anything too complex, and then following that "logic" the goal of these trolls would be...what exactly? The downfall of Amazon? I doubt that. Though one would have to assume they have something else in place to take Amazon's place, which no one has ever heard of...and also they'd have to be MASSIVE GENIUSES WITH GIANT PULSATING BRAINS to anticipate the popularity of Twitter and its role in all this.

But ignoring that, I could just point out that this has been slowly happening since February, and that most of the books that have been deranked have no tags on them at all.

Don't get me wrong, I totally believe some asshole fundie group would go around tagging random books they found offensive. I even believe they would organize to do it (though I am surprised that they read). But even if this had occurred, again following this "logic", the idea that Amazon did not notice, or did nothing to stop it, or didn't once investigate, or never once set up any other sort of safeguard/blocking system to teh children away from the teh prons, or allowed unknown users to destroy and essentially delete certain books from existence, or didn't know how to classify its own books, or fails at cataloging means that Amazon was never a company that should have been trusted in the first place. That it would then backtrack with the bullshit "glitch" statement is simply pathetic, especially from a company that requires trust from its customers in order to function. (I'm not sending my money out anonymously over the internet unless I have some expectation that I will be treated well. So sorry, Amazon, sucks to be you).

Furthermore, I'm really sick of those who might not necessarily be in power, but who work for those in power and who keep apologizing for those in power when they have either, a) DELIBERATELY and yet CLUMSILY screwed us over, or, b) been so CARELESS and INCOMPETENT that the result is about the same. Your choices are Evil or Stupid. Pick one. No blaming anonymous trolls or meanie groups of your own customers asserting their rights. However this plays out, the fault lies with Amazon.

I think I am getting too old for fandom.

Maybe I'm just tired of the way the story always plays out the same way (a fandom starts out small-ish and innovative and interesting and then becomes popular and gets taken over by teenagers or people with the mentality of teenagers). Maybe I just need a break. But honestly, I feel I've seen enough of newbies posting in lists without checking the rules first or doing any basic research for the stories they want but just waltzing in and asking for recs (lazy asses, look it up). I have definitely had enough of those same newbies constantly posting a) fic updates on their crappy stories, but really trolling for more comments b) asking readers how they think their story should end and really trolling for comments c) forming high school-esque groups of mutual adoration for some seriously crap fic, and this is intolerant of me but I don't really care d) torturing characters for the sake of torture and not for any sort of character development or literary merit. (I had enough of that shit in my A-team fic reading days, thank you very much, and it got old there too).

Maybe it's because the older fans are used to fandom wars and wank and tend to react to this by sighing and moving on to something new. Not that I want any wank either, but ceding the field to intellectually vacant morons is just irritating.

Of course, maybe this just means that the show or movies I previously enjoyed have gotten trite and hackneyed enough that said IVMs find it or them awesome and it's time I was moving on anyway. I don't know. I do know that I have been starting to distance myself from the...immediacy...of Live Journal, and its role in fandom. Maybe we need some sort of medium in which time and effort are required to voice your/my dumbass opinion and the kids can stick to FF.net and all their Naruto gets raped by Inuyasha but then Inuyasha falls back in love with Kagome because their love is forever omg fanfiction.

Don't get me wrong, everyone was fourteen once, and I wrote some probably hideous stuff back then and others had to suffer through it. And most grow out of it or learn to write and interact with others better. It's just that I don't think most of these people are actually fourteen. I think most of these people are actually much, much older. Old enough to know better.

With their bad manners come the tacky or just outright rude requests and comments. Negative reviewing of publicly-posted stories is well within your rights, but don't be surprised when no one likes you and when they choose to direct a critical eye on your work in return. And no, I am in no way obligated to write anything for you no matter how much you say you like my writing. I am also in no way obligated to say thank you for a comment you leave (it's polite, but I don't have to). That's my choice and my right. You are a fan, that's great. Doesn't mean we're friends. Doesn't mean that I'm supposed to go read and immediately fawn all over your stories. I want no part of comment-trolling and fannish clicks. This isn't high school even if it feels like one, and it's not a workplace where I have to put up with this shit.

Those of us with lives, with real drama going on and daily survival issues, we avoid fandom conflict because this is supposed to be our escape from that. But I'm seriously considering abandoning it altogether and finding some new escape.

But perhaps I am just a grumpy old woman.

And yet more things about slash writers that annoy the holy living crap out of me:

The phrase "pre-slash"---as if, somehow, it's not gay if they are only feelings and vague thoughts but not any actual sex. It's the sex that makes it slash apparently. Without it, they're just two straight guys who rilly, rilly like each other I guess, but not in that way.


The phrase "femmeslash"---as if, somehow, the fact that the story stars two women wouldn't clue us in, they felt the need to take a word that had no real gender meaning attached to it originally (other than implying two people of the same gender) and add something completely unnecessary to it. And by the way, adding a prefix (or even a suffix) to something to make it the feminine version just makes the feminine version look weak and secondary. For fuck's sake--It's slash! You say slash Then you list the pairing. And we all use our brains and say, oh, it's about some ladies.


Come vs. Cum---I've ranted on this one before. But seriously? SERIOUSLY? Who's not getting this now?


The "Hi, I'm new to this fandom, and I've never written a fic for them before but I was really thinking I could do this (some "shocking" idea) in a story, what do you guys think?" desperate plea for attention people. I read something that insecure and I know I'm not going to read anything you'll ever write. Okay? I'm just going to take note of your name and avoid your neediness like it's made of plague bacteria.


The series/WIP writers who post unbeta'd paragraph chunks everyday and then throw fits when people stop reading and reviewing their crap. Seeing this - My Gay Love Epic Part 27/? - lets me know that you are not a writer with an ending in mind. You are writing for attention. If you weren't, you'd take more care and maybe, I don't know, finish something before you posted it even if it meant going for days, maybe even WEEKS, without any attention. *gasp* !!!


Seeing MPREG anywhere at all in a story description. Please note: Kidfic is one thing. Many people enjoy reading about children who already exist getting adopted or whatever. Also, anyone writing about say...aliens with unknown physiology...sure maybe the men are like male seahorses or something, so at least that's plausible. And any show/book/movie with magical realism, you could also make a case for the presence/existence of assbabies. However, none of that really matters, because when I see MPREG in a story summary (though it ought to be in the warnings) I am not going to read that story no matter how plausible you try to make it. Why? Because anyone who chooses to read and write slash and yet is obsessed with offspring enough to also make teh gay men have assbabies is clearly someone who has a lot of personal issues that hopefully her assbabies story will help her deal with, but that's not really what I'm interested in reading. I just don't get it. Why not write about women if you like babies so much? Why not have teh gays adopt? Have them have sex with a woman just for procreation? Any other option but magical ass children. (Which is weird, because I find genderfuck stories all sorts of awesome). Oh you like Danny from Without A Trace and you want to have his babies? Why not turn Martin into you and then have him inexplicably stop getting his period or whatever it is that lets the man know he is with child. Makes perfect sense.


Typos in general I mostly ignore. It's obvious word meanings that are inexcusable in a writer. Lose. Loose. Look them the fuck up. Typos in the story summary... Yeah I'm just not going to read that.


In fact, I see any of those things, and I'm not reading the story. If I start reading a story and the C-U-M spelling appears, I am out of there. No comment. No rec. No linking. No matter how good everything might have been otherwise (though I'm guessing not that good if you're that clueless about such obvious things).

You might think this is me being too picky. But I say it helps me save time by allowing me to avoid a lot of crap epics.

(An example of all reviews and comments that I really don't ever need to get again. Ever).

I really, really enjoyed your story and am writing to tell you how good it was. Normally, I don't read stories like that, I'm not really into slash or lemon, because slash is always so graphic and I think a lot of sex is just unnecessary, but I read yours anyway, though I skipped over the sex scenes. (Insert name of show/movie here) is my favorite (show/movie) and (insert name of some boyishly good-looking actor) is SO awesome, I really liked the way you wrote him, even though it was really a lot darker than (the show/movie) and it took some getting used to. You should write more stories, I bet you could do something really funny.

I had an idea for a story but I'm not a writer, so I was wondering if you could write something like that (if you do I totally don't even need credit, maybe just a line or something, k?) only in this one (insert name of strong male character from same show/movie) is having problems and (boyishly good-looking actor) helps him through it, and there's lots of disagreements and stuff, and then (boyishly good-looking actor) gets hurt, like some (bad guys or terrorists or whatever) tie him up and capture him and torture him and (strong male character) has to save him and then they get together. I don't need anything smutty or raunchy, so I don't need anything like that just you know, (strong male character) can be like holding (boyishly good-looking actor) in his arms and he's been through so much stuff that he's crying and (strong male character) can like hold him. And maybe they kiss. And then after they are together, (vapid, uninteresting, typical "strong" female character in show/movie who is just bland enough to be any of the vapid, uninteresting females watching show/movie) can come in and find (boyishly good-looking actor) as he's in the hospital and hold his hand or something and then when they are hugging (strong male character) can come up and see them and get jealous and storm off. And (boyishly good-looking actor) has to go after him and convince him that they're in love and maybe (strong male character) can start to cry because he loves him so much and then they really end up together. I just think the way you would write it would be so great.

Anyone, if you want to do that just let me know, that would be awesome.

Thanks!

I HATE Judd Apatow.

I HATE his movies. They are not funny. They insult women and men, and every idiot who thinks there is some sort of universal truth in his crappy sad-sack modern American male angst is full of shit and more ignorant than the average Marin County resident (which is, sorry Marin, pretty ignorant).

Knocked Up was possibly the most insulting piece of shit I've seen since Sorority Boys, though at least SB had Michael Rosenbaum to soften the blow. And Superbad, you know why the boys in that movie couldn't get laid? Because they were assholes. People like that movie for McLovin, the rest of it is utter garbage.

Whatever depth Apatow may have had in Freaks and Geeks has long since been pushed out in favor of dick jokes and fat, slacker losers once again somehow attracting hot, successful (yet somehow still portrayed as crazy, irrational bitches) women.

His men are unlikeable (oh, feel sorry for them, for they are stuck in a perpetual adolescence of their own making). His women are two-dimensional responsible boring citizens sent to redeem and tame they little boys and turn them into proper grown up husband material--and then have the husbands hate them for it. It's annoying and repetitive (Anchorman is saved mostly by Will Ferrell and Steve Carell) and I really, really don't get America's fascination. (But then, America hasn't had a strong woman lead actress since...um...well in a while, so I guess that says clearly who the audience for movies is).

One more stupidly excited Apatow fan is going to make me lose it.

(And even though Apatow didn't make it, don't even get me started on the problems with Juno).

I'm gonna have just a *slight* breakdown where I scream and rant at people who probably don't deserve it because there is a lot of little crap building up into some big crap and none of it is my doing and there's nothing else I can really do about it. Like the State of California for some reason continually deciding that *something* hasn't been paid on my P.O.S. car that I bought *last year*, despite the fact that I keep paying whatever the fuck they tell me to (do not mess with CA and taxes...they are so much worse than Federal) and then whenever I try to call to ask about it I get a busy signal. Yeah. A busy signal. Like they only have one line or something.

Or my birthday, in which I originally state I want to do nothing this year. Nothing sounds nice actually. And then people insist. They whine. So I say fine. Dinner. And then comes the harassment and more whining about when they are available and then (of course, because this is why I didn't want to deal with it again) nobody can come. So it will be yet another party where I was forced to make a big deal out of something and then end up feeling stupid for having the small gathering I'd wanted in the first place.

And then I've been sick. Like PMS-related anemia and a sinus infection and the lovely bump on the head I gave myself last week and I hear how people are complaining because I've been acting poopy and it's annoying them. Uh yeah. Because I felt like shit. I was tired. Legitimately exhausted and then got some fun plan your birthday party stress from you assholes. (Oh but, plan it around their plans...thanks)

I swear to god my friends have good qualities but I'm not feeling them right now.

Oh and then job stuff and trying to get excited about what used to be my favorite holiday and just...

I don't care. I just don't care.


*sigh*

Not to stir up more hoo-ha...except that is totally what I am doing here, I will direct people to this
6A Employee Mocks Fandom.

Read the article and then read the cut and paste version of the original comment that started the fuss.

Look, you can mock fandom all you like. In fact, some fandoms can use some mocking. But at the moment they have some legitimate complaints (like more concrete TOS, those would be nice. And maybe LJ/6A not deeming themselves art critics...) But the fact is, if I were EVER mocking customers while I were still "in uniform", as it were, I would be yelled at at best, fired at worst. To use your LJ work name and go in a public forum to mock an already outraged fandom...that's not only abhorrent but criminally stupid.

If asshat gets fired he has it coming.

Loosing---Losing.

To Lose (Losing): fail to keep or to maintain; cease to have, either physically or in an abstract sense; fail to win; suffer the loss of a person through death or removal; misplace: place (something) where one cannot find it again; miss from one's possessions; lose sight of; allow to go out of sight; fail to make money in a business; make a loss or fail to profit; fail to get or obtain; fall back: retreat

Loose (Loosing):not restrained or confined or attached; not compact or dense in structure or arrangement; (of a ball in sport) not in the possession or control of any player;
not tight; not closely constrained or constricted or constricting; informal: not officially recognized or controlled; free: not literal; lax: emptying easily or excessively; unaffixed: not affixed; not tense or taut; (of textures) full of small openings or gaps; "an open texture"; "a loose weave" not fixed firmly or tightly; idle: lacking a sense of restraint or responsibility; not carefully arranged in a package; free: grant freedom to; free from confinement; unleash: turn loose or free from restraint; at large(p): having escaped, especially from confinement; loosen: make loose or looser; easy: casual and unrestrained in sexual behavior;


Two totally different words and if I see that mistake one more time...


*raves nonsensically*