connected or perhaps not so connected ramblings

[rispacooper]

blame this on a day with little to no food and yet no desire to eat any. but have been rereading random chapters of IOS and listening to badly idealistic teenage love songs singing of understanding and was curious as to who actually feels comfortable sharing everything and that includes your deepest, weirdest, thoughts with someone else? does anyone actually do that? has that ever happened? because in my experience, it goes down like this, with friend or with romance or whatever--my appearance of distance is intriguing. people expresses desire to be friends or just close, and ask things. we become friends or closer than that, and then at some point, there is a polite but serious line drawn. as in. you have shared too much, or i am not remotely interested in hearing about that part of you. which the person may or may not realize they are doing, but is pretty consistent behavior. and then i, in response, distance myself, and there are hurt feelings all around.

i suppose specifically i mean where my writing/slash/interests/perversions lay. those seem to cause the most problems. i don't demand people read slash, or even that they read my slash. but my writing is a pretty major part of me, and to have people just not give a crap about it says they don't give a crap about me, or is that too extreme? recently someone who claims to be my best friend said that she would never read my LJ because there are things about me she just doesn't need to know. is that normal? because i honestly have no idea. unfortunately, i operate on logic. and logic suggests that either every person i meet is screwed up, or that, more likely, i am. so i would just like to know. how pathetic of me.

i want a drink. and i must attend a party tonight. sigh.

Comments

[paraxdisepink.livejournal.com]

recently someone who claims to be my best friend said that she would never read my LJ because there are things about me she just doesn't need to know. is that normal?

I don't want to call it abnormal or wrong. It's just kind of rude, imply that there's something *wrong* with parts of you. But it has more to do with her discomfort level/maturity level. Erase this comment if it'll get me or you in trouble. I don't really have a discomfort level unless it involves a third party that I don't know and therefore feel weird knowing personal details about them, like I've invaded their privacy or something.

I think that's why I like talking on the internet so much though. You gravitate toward like-minded people who share that big part of you - the slash, the kink - and therefore there's no boundary of appropriate and innapropriate information so it's possible to become very close. You're sharing sexual fantasies in essence with (usually) other women, though they're not directed at the women themselves but at characters. But you're bonding over what turns you on, really. Sexuality is a big part of a person, and when you have that "OK we can't go there into your perversions" it's not really possible to become that close.

But with writing friends there's a platonic intimacy. I mean I could say to certain people without hesistation that such-and-such scenario would really be hot, and they would either laugh or encourage me or tell me what they'd find hot. There are RL people I certainly could not say that to, because there's that line.

Now having this sexually open relationship with writing friends, the idea of having a relationship with someone outside of that - by my own orientation a male, who is not likely to be into slash - now seems distant and weird. I have no idea what that all means, that I need a straight male slaster I guess hehe. But yeah, the writing thing is a big deal because you have to repress a part of yourself that would just come out freely among writing friends.

Or something.

or something

[rispacooper.livejournal.com]

ah well. so we have screwed ourselves as far as 'normal' relationships go? there are married slashers, but for most of them i believe the marriage came first.

hmmm it's not who you're thinking that said that, btw. but *she* doesn't read the LJ either. or any of my writings. actually, the men in their lives seem more willing to do that. interesting.