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I don't know about everyone else, but me and a friend of mine have been having crazy anxiety all week. And while I always have some minor anxiety, this has been insane. To the point of insomnia and gripping the wheel tightly as I drive *slowly* (which I normally never do) and where even alcohol isn't exactly helping me relax. Some might say PMS, but my PMS usually doesn't take this form. So I looked some stuff up last night, and freaked myself out some more (not a good idea) by realizing how my anixety is connected to everything I do. This is just a more extreme version.
Sure, it was helpful to learn about fight and flight reactions and chemical malfunctions. And honestly, it was fascinating to discover a new aspect to my OCD (the symmetric movement on body parts...as in...if I kick my left foot twice, I must kick my right foot an equal number of times) I had no idea other people did that. It even had insomnia (ding ding) and sleepwalking (which I used to do as a child). Though honestly, my OCD has gotten better in recent years, it's only this past week that the little panic attacks went nuts for whatever reason. (Racing heart, tight muscles, breathing unevenly like I've been running...)
I was actually lying in bed panicked about nothing. Fucking nothing was wrong with me and I was getting more and more freaked out that I was that freaked out over nothing. Twisted little bitch of a cycle isn't it?
About OCD, it's isn't all handwashing and locking doors...though yeah...I used to freak out about my "dirty" hands. The obsession with symmetry is pretty amazing. I used to lie in bed as a kid dividing numbers up evenly by two. 3 was the enemy. I still close the open cabinets at my friends' houses, and can't leave my shoelaces tied if I have taken my shoes off. But I don't obsess about it so much as imagine bad consequences for leaving it undone. I've often decided that OCD used to be called superstitious back in the day. That religion is really the sick plan of an OCD sufferer, needing ritual and dark consequences to get beyond their fears.
My favorite OCD fear is the completely random fear of the car you are in rolling backwards. That one I never could explain to people. And no, I don't take drugs for it. I just...I dont know...decided one day it was ridiculous. I was like...constantly afraid for months...but I did it. Which is why I know this anxiety shit will go away too. It's just frustrating. Finding yourself self-conscious in a way you haven't been since high school.
(As a side note, there are studies linking anxiety in women to yeast and bladder infections? As in, when women feel threatened, it manifests itself physically in their vaginas. Apparently, everything in our culture is a rape threat. How wonderful.) Jesus.
Of course, all that freaking out and sleeplessness has turned me into a royal bitch too. Even more than usual. Marvelous. Soon I will offend everyone.
Sure, it was helpful to learn about fight and flight reactions and chemical malfunctions. And honestly, it was fascinating to discover a new aspect to my OCD (the symmetric movement on body parts...as in...if I kick my left foot twice, I must kick my right foot an equal number of times) I had no idea other people did that. It even had insomnia (ding ding) and sleepwalking (which I used to do as a child). Though honestly, my OCD has gotten better in recent years, it's only this past week that the little panic attacks went nuts for whatever reason. (Racing heart, tight muscles, breathing unevenly like I've been running...)
I was actually lying in bed panicked about nothing. Fucking nothing was wrong with me and I was getting more and more freaked out that I was that freaked out over nothing. Twisted little bitch of a cycle isn't it?
About OCD, it's isn't all handwashing and locking doors...though yeah...I used to freak out about my "dirty" hands. The obsession with symmetry is pretty amazing. I used to lie in bed as a kid dividing numbers up evenly by two. 3 was the enemy. I still close the open cabinets at my friends' houses, and can't leave my shoelaces tied if I have taken my shoes off. But I don't obsess about it so much as imagine bad consequences for leaving it undone. I've often decided that OCD used to be called superstitious back in the day. That religion is really the sick plan of an OCD sufferer, needing ritual and dark consequences to get beyond their fears.
My favorite OCD fear is the completely random fear of the car you are in rolling backwards. That one I never could explain to people. And no, I don't take drugs for it. I just...I dont know...decided one day it was ridiculous. I was like...constantly afraid for months...but I did it. Which is why I know this anxiety shit will go away too. It's just frustrating. Finding yourself self-conscious in a way you haven't been since high school.
(As a side note, there are studies linking anxiety in women to yeast and bladder infections? As in, when women feel threatened, it manifests itself physically in their vaginas. Apparently, everything in our culture is a rape threat. How wonderful.) Jesus.
Of course, all that freaking out and sleeplessness has turned me into a royal bitch too. Even more than usual. Marvelous. Soon I will offend everyone.
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