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Got smacked in the face with my own sexism. Damnit. That's the last thing I need. But my new coworker, whom I have been having issues with (won't get into it) asked me,so I told him, honestly, I have little respect for men at work, but (almost joking but not quite) that that was only based on my experience of years of working with them. I didn't say useless, but the implication was there. And he said he could see that, since he had the same opinion of women in the army (he was in the army, obviously). And I found myself getting pissed off. And then he describes one sargeant (one! one! not even two!) who had clearly been incompetant. At least *my* assholeness was based on years and several, as in, more than ten, male coworkers. Grrr. No...my own words don't taste very good, thanks. That's why I don't like to eat them. But then I realized that this was part of his problem with me being his boss.
Also, after spending day with him was left pondering my public image. Apparently, at one job, I seem completely intimidating and businesslike, and at the other I seem like a mindless shallow idiot. How did that happen?
I frequently act like an idiot, as everyone does, and I am usually the first to admit it when I do. I will even acknowledge that I can grasp certain difficult concepts immediately but fail to understand simple things...it's a curse. I will also admit that I often play down my intelligence in public, a holdover from high school when any level of brains made you a freak. Which doesn't mean I'm a genius, but I don't shove my knowledge and education onto people (I don't hide it, but neither do I lay the smackdown on people slower to get an idea than I am). I hate it when others do that, thinking or assuming that they are smarter and act like asses.
But...(took a while to get to that but we knew it was coming)
But I do not like getting treated like some vapid moron. I have discovered this. Both of my new coworkers seem to think I never work at all and that I am incapable of higher thought. Actually, at that job, only the manager seems to notice the actual amount of work I do, and that's only because she takes advantage of it. Everyone else seems to think I coast through life. How odd. To work faster than others, and then be thought of as lazy when I am done and they are still working and resent me for it. To go without sleep during the week for two jobs, and then have someone thinking of me as weak.
Bitterness there. That doesn't taste too good either. I could be a hardass at this job, if I cared enough about it. But as long as others do their work, I see no need to be a bitch. This is perceived as weakness? How confusing. Ought I lay down the law? I could, I think. At the risk of seeming conceited, I think I could take the little punk if we threw down...intellectually speaking that is.m :)
Also, after spending day with him was left pondering my public image. Apparently, at one job, I seem completely intimidating and businesslike, and at the other I seem like a mindless shallow idiot. How did that happen?
I frequently act like an idiot, as everyone does, and I am usually the first to admit it when I do. I will even acknowledge that I can grasp certain difficult concepts immediately but fail to understand simple things...it's a curse. I will also admit that I often play down my intelligence in public, a holdover from high school when any level of brains made you a freak. Which doesn't mean I'm a genius, but I don't shove my knowledge and education onto people (I don't hide it, but neither do I lay the smackdown on people slower to get an idea than I am). I hate it when others do that, thinking or assuming that they are smarter and act like asses.
But...(took a while to get to that but we knew it was coming)
But I do not like getting treated like some vapid moron. I have discovered this. Both of my new coworkers seem to think I never work at all and that I am incapable of higher thought. Actually, at that job, only the manager seems to notice the actual amount of work I do, and that's only because she takes advantage of it. Everyone else seems to think I coast through life. How odd. To work faster than others, and then be thought of as lazy when I am done and they are still working and resent me for it. To go without sleep during the week for two jobs, and then have someone thinking of me as weak.
Bitterness there. That doesn't taste too good either. I could be a hardass at this job, if I cared enough about it. But as long as others do their work, I see no need to be a bitch. This is perceived as weakness? How confusing. Ought I lay down the law? I could, I think. At the risk of seeming conceited, I think I could take the little punk if we threw down...intellectually speaking that is.m :)
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