Business first: General impression of this film is that the book might make more sense to people. I haven't read the book, but the movie has all the symptoms of a film advertised incorrectly, in this case, as a silly romantic comedy instead of the angsty, strange chic-lit that it really was. Basically, Debra Messing plays GraceKat, a woman hiring an escort to go to her sister's London wedding because the best man is her ex-fiancee who dumped her for no reason two years ago. Does she want to torture the ex or make him want her again? I have no idea. Why does she feel the strong need to lie to her family? Again, no idea. Why does she spend $6000 on a man she has never seen or really talked to? I'm sure someone knows, maybe the author. Her family seemed kooky but nice enough. So, no characterization. No motivation. We're just supposed to go...single girl=desperate enough to hire a whore and worry about appearances the whole time.

And her man-ho, Dermot Mulroney (what was his name in this? Nick?) seemed nice too. But still, he was a whore, a fact he establishes early on. She is rude to him. He is pleasant in return. They have sex for some reason and then he gets all miffed at the mention of money. Quois? Whatever. Whatever. What-EVER this movie is, it is not a romantic comedy. Romantic comedies exist in fantasy/fairy tale Bridget Jones the movie land. No Bridget Jones the book land. Not the far closer to reality land. It's like amateurs made this film. Cuts are abrupt, plotholes are never filled in, mysteries are never explained and only two of the characters are ever made likable.

So why did I watch this piece of crap? Jack F'in Davenport. Jack Dav being the cutest, adorablest little drunken, dancing besotted monkey of a groom ever. Ever. *giggle*.

My god Elizabeth had no idea what she was missin'. He laughs, he plays cricket, he barbecues, and such ordinary acts seem so DAMN CUTE!!!

I'd squee, but I'm sure you can picture me doing it anyway.
rispacooper: (president sex)
( Apr. 2nd, 2005 10:22 pm)
My head hurts now, so I am only on briefly because late last night, after a viewing of Sin City, I could not contain my lust and even now I must voice in order to appease the screaming carnal thoughts that have taken over my brain.

*ahem*

CLIVE OWEN IN SIN CITY IS THE HOTTEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

perhaps that's innacurate, but my body is assuring me, at this moment, that this statement is true.

Don't get me wrong, I liked the film, had some problems with it (i.e. women exist only to be saved) *loved* the sequence with Mickey Rourke...but Clive Owen as Dwight McCarthy.....RE-OW.

I was squirming in my seat and giggling madly with every over-the-top melodramatic pose. Then he was wet, then covered in black tar, then wet again...and the violence *swoon* the honourable, upright, twisted incredible violence to save his Valkyrie....Aiii yaaaaa.

Incidentally...people have compared this movie to Film Noir. It isn't really. It's much more like the detective novels that gave Noir its start. They're just men on the streets born in the wrong century. They should have been knights. And it's based on a graphic novel, which means comic book, which means that even with good intentions it's something of a 14 yr old boy's wet dream. Violence and tits everywhere. And the Bruce Willis piece was just boring. But CLIVE!

Bite bite bite! Fierce and wicked but good. Soooo very good. I would purr for that.
in addition to the bloodlust, when i just must watch a bitchy woman onscreen killing things, i must mention terribly boring the Notebook movie, which everyone is going crazy for. It was ok, trying to be so very romantic when really it wasn't. It had a few good moments...like when they guy describes their relationship in oh so accurate terms (yes we fight that's what we do. you tell me when i'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and i tell you when you're being a pain in the ass). and when the "evil" mother, played by Joan Allen (the waspy queen i love) tells of her tragic romantic past (I wanted more of that story dammit). but this movie was apparently for one moment...the two main characters makin' out and gettin' freaky in the rain.

actually, I didn't care about that either. what did i care about? Ryan Gosling shirtless and wet and *straining*.


*BITE BITE*

bit of an arm fetish lately i guess. heh heh.

WANTS
rispacooper: (Default)
( Jan. 7th, 2005 11:40 pm)
Ah for those that don't know, I love the movie Barbarella (there's a character named Dildano...nuff said). Anyway, in this film there is some serious tension between innocent Barbarella and the very hot Black Queen. It's fucking tantalizing and delicious and amazing and yet tortures me because despite every other bit of naughty, their tease is left at just that...a tease.

However...imagine my excitement to discover that apparently, there *was* a scene between the queen and Barbarella that was cut out. It's probably lost for all time now, though with new Drew Barrymore crap version being made they might release the old one with special features....anyway...there are still a few pictures floating around the net of the Queen's seduction of Barbarella. Ai ya! And I have them, and have loaded them into my gallery here, along with some pics and fanart of Nicholas D Wolfwood.

Go check them out if you are interested. I don't know if the original comic has this scene in it, I can't find it in English and I most definitely can't find pics from it, except for the last page, with Pygar the angel saving everyone.



PS: Completely unrelated. Our potential new Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez is a goddamn motherfucking asshole. May he burn in hell.
rispacooper: (Default)
( Nov. 8th, 2004 08:27 pm)
all i do is apologize these days it seems

i don't starve myself bret
*sigh*
although people say i *have* lost weight

heh heh

ok to lighten the mood, i am gonna do some quickie movie reviews. because i work in a video store but all i hear all day is how great The Day After Tomorrow is, and how Bowling for Columbine was "a load of shit".
so....here are some of my favs, with and without slashiness.

Casablanca....also with or without slash, but i prefer with. as a teenager, i adored the het angsty love triangle in this movie--but was glued to the screen for every scene involving Claude Rains as Capt. Renault. Years later, I realized why. Cynical Louis and idealist Rick...or Ricky as Louis likes to purr...make one hell of a couple. Claude Rains, incidentally, is an actor I like to compare to Geoffrey Rush, I don't know why. I think it's the delicious way they both savor words. The historical background is great as well, the symbolism of everything in this post-Hayes code film, the faded beauty of the black and white....*sigh*. Even if Pooky will never watch it.

Lawrence of Arabia. This movie is...this movie is how movies should be made. Painstaking detail, fantastic imagery, amazing actors and dialogue, and cinematography to die for. Not to mention an exquisite understanding of the warped tormented mind and body of T.E. Lawrence expressed as much as the 1960's would allow. (Actually, I think being forced to watch their words only enhanced the portrayal of Lawrence.) And then there is the kinky Turkish Bey, gettin' all up in the Kool-aid, and the pretty, pretty, sad Ali. So brokenhearted at the end. The film is set up like a Greek tragedy, and the myth-like aura to it all is fucking mindblowing. See it on a big screen if you can.

Wayne's World See...not everything will be slashy! :P I can still quote this movie word for word. Garth...with the robotic arm... Whole movie, funnier than Austin Powers. Yes. You heard me right. (Although a special shout out to Goldmember. "You are very toight. I can tell from your toight pants.")

The Lion In Winter i think i love this movie because it shares my view of history. or at least, how i feel a lot of history should be viewed. people tend to see monarchs as famous, grand figures and not also look at their private lives. they are people and great figures at the same time, and some, like Eleanor of Acquitaine (whom every feminist should know) and Henry of England are two people who were actually thought of as legendary in their own time, and were together, and had these amazing adventures and these famous children and these completely fucked up family lives. the movie goes down like this, Eleanor and Henry and their children, including Richard the Lionheart, are all in the same castle for Christmas. Henry is a king who united England, fought in a crusade, and stole his wife, Eleanor, from the King of France (Louis), his best friend. Eleanor and Henry no longer live together, years later he banished her to a tower for her outspokenness and adultery. She hates him for *his* adultery. they use their children as weapons to fight each other, only since each rules a country, this also means they use their children in war against each other. the kids btw, are scheming for the throne because Henry is getting old. but none of them are suitable because John is crazy, Geoffry is cold, and Richard is a sodomite. (And with who? Why the current king of France, Louis' son Phillip. Whose sister, Alais, is engaged to Richard but Henry is screwing her anyway)...Merry Fuckin' Christmas! Jerry Springer with royalty. I love it.

It Happened One Night Two words. Clark Gable. and then two more words. Claudette Colbert. Early Hollywood actresses kicked some serious ass and bitches like Julia Roberts can't hold a candle to them. this is the movie that *created* the romantic comedy, and the screwball comedy. it offered fantasy and romance during the depression and yet is quite thoughtful about the poor conditions of a lot of Americans during the time. it urges sympathy and compassion, and in addition to being amazingly romantic and sexy (scandalous at the time in fact) is funny. Gable is a funny, funny drunk. ("Oh yeah?" "Gee I wish I'd said that, we could have ended this conversation five minutes ago.")

Maybe for my last one i should try to pick something a little more recent. So many to choose from. Grosse Point Blank? No...Quills..heh. Not right now. Ha. I know...as though people have not seen it, i will say, Bridget Jones' Diary. adaption of Jane Austen...yes...very modern...yes...way better, for the most part, than the book. very funny, very romantic, very sympathetic heroine. she is not glamorous, she isn't especially clever, and she dates/fucks the dumbasses that actually populate the earth outside of movies. there is a difference in the book, namely that poor singleton Bridget does not view Darcy as this amazing tremendous fated love, so much as she views him as just another boyfriend, but one that she loves very much. in this case however, as with Liberty Valance, we are going to go with the myth. Rispa loves the myth, she adores the myth, she writes the myth, because reality can suck a dirty cock. (incidentally, Rispa is compared by her friends to Bridget's friend Shazzar in the movie. "Shazzar, journalist. Likes to say to fuck. A lot.")

did any of that make any sense? i doubt it. i think i only gave the plots of two of them. ah well.
rispacooper: (Default)
( Sep. 16th, 2004 02:01 pm)
They are replaying this movie on Showtime this month for some reason, and even though I don't think anybody reads this besides a few close friends of mine, I am going to encourage people to watch it. You can rent it if you do't have Showtime.I t will be on the shelves, its like the movie people will not watch. I mean, sure, the Crying Game it ain't. At times it has the feel of a Lifetime movie, if Lifetime would ever touch something so filthy and gay. They would probably consider it beneath them, ignoring the fact that it isn't even really gay. One of the side characters comments once, almost as though its nothing, that sexual orientation is so loose these days anyway. Of course, the woman who says it has a dick, but despite my prejudice against penises it doesn't make the point any less valid.

People should watch this movie because its fucking hot. Fucking Hot! Two sensitive, intelligent people who are very different fall in love and have sex. Now, In America, that's a crime even if its heterosexual and they're married. (Puritannical ridiculous nonsense! Everyone knows that women who have sex are idiots! A clitoris and a brain do not work together...) But more than it being hot, and I will say that again, it is fucking hot (Primal caveman desire, man drawn to woman because that is his urge, regardless of the fact she was a born a man) it is a hauntingly sad story, based on real events surrounding an army private and the consequences his affair had back at his base.

I like this movie for pointing out both the nobility of the army through the eyes of the innocent private, expressing his love and belief in his fellow soldiers, and for showing exactly how full of BULLSHIT the army is for not supporting gay soldiers or transgender soldiers, (or women), or anyone willing to fucking join up and die for their country. And it shows how ridiculous macho bravado is so damn GAY, how the very people saying the worst things feel the worst about themselves. Every hateful thing said in this movie has such history and pain behind it. The villain, if I can call him that, so obviously in love with the hero and has no idea... Not that I feel sorry for him, but it says so much, in that same almost quiet way, about how screwed up our values (and by that I mean "we") are.

This movie is a love story, first and foremost, and that is why it works, in the same way that comedies can point out inequalites better than a straight documentary half the time. People hate being preached to but they will share emotions without questioning it. It is impossible to watch this movie without feeling pain at the outcome and warmth at the start, and I think that is also why people avoid it. I work at a video store where it sits unrented on the shelves. They'll read the back and then walk away.

Why wouldn't they? Transgender is scary. It's undefinable. Dark, unexplored territory. Virgin ass, as Rene would say, a living breathing vagina with teeth, ready to castrate close enough. If women can be like men...if men can be...like...women....my god. Society could unravel. They would have to find news ways to justify eveything. New ways to make us afraid, new ways to make us buy toothpaste, new ways to convince young men to join the army and die for democracy. All that from a man in a dress...better laugh at it. Or better yet, kill it. If that doesn't work, you could always just ignore it. Maybe it will go away.

My my, what a bitter rant has spewed forth. I don't even think it makes sense. Oh well, I shall simply go back to my original statement. Fucking hot. What straight girl doesn't dream of a guy like that anyway?

A handsome, gentle, mannerly straight boy, with a job and a car.

Now that's true love.

Jesus, I am crazy.
.

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