Two very silly and short Psych ficlets written by me and [personal profile] sinjah based on the latest episode, "Thrill Seekers and Hell Raisers" and one tiny, throw away line. Don't worry, [profile] dlasta I know you have the actual awesome lists somewhere. (banana-banana!!!)






After everyone disappears like Carlton has said something strange, he sits at his desk and pulls out a sheet of paper and a pen.

Actually O'Hara, Guster, and Spencer had been all been considered for end of the world scenarios before, but judging from their reactions, it was time for a new list.

He neatly numbers from one to five and jots down the first names that come to mind. Then blinks.

O'Hara, Guster, and Spencer appeared to be his top three choices. Again. McNab was number four. That's new.

He does not look over at McNab's tall, sort of muscular form. But he does think that McNab's ass doesn't compare to Spencer's.

Then he realizes that for a list with "Procreate" in the title, there's an awful lot of men on it.

He adds the Chief.

He scratches out the Chief a second later.

This is impossible. It's too hard to seriously contemplate the end of the world when there aren't enough attractive women around and he keeps thinking about how scared Spencer would be during the Apocalypse. How he'd need to be protected.

Carlton sits back.

He wets his mouth.

He shifts his feet, his legs, apart.

After a few minutes, he crosses off O'Hara too.

Then he quickly scratches out Guster before he can change his mind and and practically jumps to his feet. He crumples up the paper and throws it forcefully in the top drawer of his desk before he think about what it means that only Spencer and McNab are left on there. And McNab is a very, very distant second place.

He locks the drawer and walks away. End of the world. He snorts. It would have to be the end of the world before he touched Spencer, and that is that.

....


When Lassie crushes a sheet of paper and throws it into a locked drawer with a great deal of force, Shawn knows whatever is on the paper is going to be awesome.

Judging from what Lassiter was talking about only minutes before, Shawn assumes it's something about the end of the world and how he might run out of ammunition before he gets to think about consummating his creepy end of the world sex pact with whoever his chosen victim is.

Someone who isn't Shawn, because Shawn apparently doesn't make the cut. Not even in The End Of The World. Proof Lassie has no taste, because Shawn has a very nice ass, even if he also, sadly, can't make babies.

But there could be zombies. A blow job would have just been polite.

But Lass said no. Yelled no while Shawn had been slipping away to consider that Lassie had considered him for Last Moment on Earth sex. Also Gus. And Jules, though Shawn couldn't blame him for that.

He picks the lock on the drawer because he has a not-psychic feeling it's another list. He pulls it out and skims over it once. Memorizes it.

This he wants to memorize.

Then he puts it back, locks the drawer, walks away.

"I've got a plan," he tells his inner-Gus.

"Of course you do." His inner-Gus voice sighs and shakes its head.

Shawn always ignores inner-Gus, so much so that he doesn't even know why he has an inner-Gus. His mom says his inner-Gus is his conscience and his instinctual fear, or perhaps a Superego, internalized. Luckily Shawn never listens to his mom either.

"No a real plan, and it won't involve the end of the world," he says out loud. Buzz looks at him funny. Shawn smiles.

Because Buzz and Gus and Jules are hot, but Shawn is the brand of instant coffee crystals that Lassiter prefers in a blind taste test.

He wonders how his ass would rank on a list and smacks Buzz's as he leaves.


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